Dear Mater: Is There Time to Pray?

Ask the mothers who have gone before you.

Dear Mater, 

I love homeschooling, but I’m exhausted. Is it possible to have a large family, homeschool well, keep a reasonably functioning house, and still have time to pray?

Signed, Exhausted

Dear Exhausted,

My first reaction to your question is no! You can’t have a large family, homeschool well, keep a reasonably functioning house, and have time to pray! I used to tell my husband, “If the house is clean, we didn’t homeschool!”

Seriously, though, I think expectations and habits are important. First of all, we don’t have to do it all, and without God’s grace we can’t do it well.

Second, we need to prioritize. What will give us the grace to do what we need to do, and do it well? Prayer. I didn’t necessarily do mental prayer well, but my family did try to go to daily Mass. I was able to do that with a large family because my husband joined me. You have to find what works for you and your family! No family does it perfectly, no matter what social media shows you.

The next step is to ask where you can use the principle of subsidiarity. Subsidiarity means that matters should be handled as close to the source as is reasonable. In a family, the parents are closest to the upbringing of their children. If the family needs help, the next level is the extended family, then friends, and so on. The mother and father decide where help is needed, not the state or any other agency.

That being said, you and your husband can decide, depending on your family budget: Do we need a cleaning person? Do our children need to help more? Do I need a mother’s helper? Should we get tutors? I’m sure you can think of other areas where you need help. The point is that you and your husband get to decide!

I think we sometimes fall into the trap of thinking, “I can do it all! I can do it alone!” We can’t! We need God, and we need community. We need to know we aren’t alone.

And remember, we can do nothing without God. A friend once told me that if you give God five minutes of your complete time and devotion, you will have more time to do what you think you need to do!

Warmly, Mater

Dear Mater is a Catholic homeschooling advice column for the questions that keep mothers wondering. With wisdom, warmth, and a little humor, ‘Mater' offers perspective on the everyday joys and challenges of forming a family at home. Join ‘Mater’ Diane Aquila, wife to Dominic, mother of 13 (11 on earth), as she answers those questions and gently reminds us of the joy and gift of the vocation to home educate. Diane homeschooled all of her children until college (though a few attended school here and there as life demanded). She may not be a professional but loves to share her insight as a Catholic parent and home educating mother of many. 

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